Five Fingers Of Death

I hate night-vigils, I really do. I always have and probably always will. I sit there, get lost in my thoughts and more often than not, doze the hell off. Not that night-vigils are bad but there’s something about going to church from a young age without understanding it’s true essence. Going to church was a tradition, a religion, not necessarily a spiritual thing. I’m more mature now, miles less religious and more Christ conscious. I just wanted to sleep on Friday nights while I was little. Now, my Friday nights are for movies but I still dislike night-vigils, I know God loves me but I don’t love night-vigils. Church is good but understanding it’s essence is way better.—True story

I’m a quintessential ajebutter. I’ve spent a large chunk of my life refuting the above stated. I got defensive when people called me a ‘buttie’. My argument was: fine, my parents are quite affluent but it wasn’t always so. Up until I was nine years old, it definitely wasn’t the case. I seldom took offense though. I half- embraced it until recently. My Dad got a fruit basket and after sorting out the fruits he wanted, he told me to peel an orange for him. I smiled in my shame and said ” you really don’t want to hear what I have to say”. He looked at me, smiled back and said ” you don’t know how to peel oranges”. I can’t remember how that conversation ended but yes, I’m an ajebutter. I accept it, I embrace it. Ps using public transportation and climbing okada aren’t really bid deals. They shouldn’t be the yardstick of measuring “ajebutterness”. -True story

She wore a purple satin dress with a plunging neck line to church on Sunday. She sat at the front row where the pastor could see what he shouldn’t see. She made sure she fidgeted so her fun bags could shimmy and wiggle to cause an effect. After the service’s conclusion, Pastor Anu frighteningly began to walk towards her direction. She shimmied and wiggled the more. On getting to her, he said “miss, it’s bad manners to pick your nose in public places, God bless you”. She left church disappointed. The following week, she wore iro and buba and she sat at the last row. -untrue story

Mathematics is my friend, mathematics is my friend, I love it, I will pass it, mathematics is my friend. That was the song my JSS 1 math teacher, Mr Toye taught us in an attempt to make us more interested. I don’t know about the others but it certainly didn’t work for me. I hated and still hate math. It’s not my friend, matter of fact, it’s my longest foe besides lucifer of course. I struggled with math!. My only distinction was the “B3” I got in WAEC and I hustled the life out of it. 90% of my WAEC preparations went to math. Shalla(in wizkid’s voice) to Mrs Popuola my SS3 math teacher, she was the best. I made a promise to never do math in my life after secondary school. So far, I’ve kept that promise. -true story

Why is this titled “Five Fingers Of Death”? I can’t explain it really, it’s stupid and quite pointless. Google is not necessarily your friend on this one, you stand a better chance with the Nigerian police. It has a YouTube/rap influence though. Anyways you just read five paragraphs of pointless or not so pointless literature. Guess what? We are still breathing, we have that in common. That’s what we do, we stay alive till we don’t.

Fist-bumps and kisses
β™  Tomi.O


22 thoughts on “Five Fingers Of Death

  1. It’s not stupid and pointless. You’re a poet writing prose… writing snippets about your beef with religion and education (including the way you were raised), and then titling it Five Fingers of Death… hmmm, you, (we), write to escape πŸ™‚

  2. I’m not sure how all 5 stories come together under the title, but it’s not stupid and it’s not pointless.

    Did you promise your teacher (or was it yourself?) you’d never do Math again? I promised my Physics teacher I wouldn’t do Physics again after struggling with it for more than a year. haha.

  3. Ebun Oluwole

    Nahh, it’s far from stupid and pointless. I think this is your own way of venting given the fact that you’re a poet. Yes? No?

    Anyways, I can somewhat relate to the first paragraph. I hope that makes you feel a bit better. πŸ™‚

  4. Anonymous

    I love the third and fourth fingers best. I see the five fingers as “waka”…..hoping you are not sooo ajebutter you dont understand….

  5. tomi!!!
    even in your rant, you still made sense..lemmie pull your leg small.. ‘omo buttie’
    I hope you know how to carry a bucket of water sha…coughs** since you were probably a day student.
    hmmn, so you hated night vigils…eya…
    Understanding the purpose of church helps a lot, i get you on that note.
    Aww, maths is not that bad now. but i guess life happens that way. there was a time i loved maths and got good grades because it was just sweet and simple to me but then i got to the university and incoperating math like courses into my faculty looked like math finally came with the wolf pack for some sort of revenge.

    1. Looool!!, I do know how to carry a bucket of water and I went to a boarding school. I’m still not a fan of night Virgils, I’ll probably never be. Haha! @ math coming with a wolf back. You’d be fine since you love math. As for me, my hatred for the old enemy continues.

  6. Hahahahaha!!! Fist bumps and kisses right back! I could totally relate! I hated physics and further maths, Never again is my motto! Hahahaha! I really like the way you write. But what I realised, is that even omo-butters learn to do stuff we necessarily wouldn’t have done when push comes to shove, I’m learning that with a smile.

  7. Pingback: Five Fingers Of Death III | I Write To Escape

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