You can read the previous edition of Tunde’s letters here
I’m calm, I cook and I clean. I’ve been
stalking following you on Facebook for a while now. I occasionally religiously follow your tweets and your instagram is my instagram. I know you well. See ehn, I will stay with you when you go nuts at that time of the month: you know that time now? Did I mention I cook: I make a mean vegetable soup and my Jollof rice is to die for; my fried rice sucks though, you’d actually die if you ate it. I’m a three-course, three square meal kind of fella. I’d bring you breakfast in bed and even pop bye at your office with brunch sometimes. Ask around, most kids love me. I’m being modest: all kids love me. Yes I’m that brooding guy. I’m ripped. I’m that tall, dark and handsome cliché and then some. I’d always listen to your stories, besides I’ve read every single one of your 4768 tweets. If I can read your thoughts then I can listen to them. Forget that boy you’re always retweeting and stop liking his instagram pictures. I have money, lots of it but Amina who happens to be my ex has given me a harsh lesson or two about being a maga. See, I can easily tell you about Amina because I trust you. Ah, I can see our wedding day. Can you? I put up the toilet sit before I take a leak. I wash my dishes after eating: I’d wash yours too. As if my dashing good looks aren’t enough, I can sing! Peju, I CAN SING. I’m very humble, that’s my greatest quality. My Humility can’t be compared to another man’s. What else? I’d open the door to the car for you, hold your hands while we walk down a flight of stairs, I’d do your make up and even agree to do YouTube videos with you: boyfriend tag, potential husband tag, husband tag, anything tag at all. Peju, none your 500 male followers on Facebook are half as good-looking as I am. Imagine a fine boy changing diapers, isn’t that cute? Don’t bother trying to block me on Facebook: I used a pseudonym. You should spend less time on social networks though, we have to be that “working couple”. I will love you.
Yours to be,
P.S Husband Material