Slippin

dear God

Hey guys, I’m much better now but I wrote this in a dark time and thought it would be a waste of literature if I didn’t share it. It’s written in a rap format/state of mind (at least to me). Inspired by Dmx’s ‘Slippin’. I wrote this while listening to its instrumentals… you can listen to it via the link at the bottom of the page whilst reading. Ps, in my other life I would come as a rapper.

Dear God, are you there God?

Do you see me? Do you hear God?

Yes, it’s me. I am here God

I am weary and I fear, God

I’m tired of all the pain and it reigns God

So I’ll write to erase the shame God

Dear God, are you there God?

 

It’s me Tomi, on the call again

I have changed, though I’m born again

I curse and I silently swear now

These days are hard: Lord I swear down

50 shades of me appear in the mirror

But the image of your son’s still superior

It’s hard to say goodbye to the world I thought I lived in

It’s a new kind of life, a new kind of death

I know you’re here but it feels like you’re leaving

I’m sick and tired of trying; I can’t maintain the stealth

Dear God, it’s your son

And yes, I know your words, God

So I’ll wait on you to have my strength renewed

But it’s hard when I fall having strength in you

Dear God, are you there God?

 

I hate to fail: I hate disgrace

I almost wonder: could this be grace?

But you didn’t cause this, though I wish you stopped it

I wish I had the knowledge and the power to have stopped it

A waste of sleeplessness and sleepless nights

A waste of burning eyes and dimming lights

Dear God, it’s me: are you there God?

 

I’m afraid of counting my blessings

I might seem ungrateful

I’m scared of continuing the journey

I might turn unfaithful

My melancholic phlegma

Has quite taken over

Though I’m trying not to give up

But can’t wait till it’s over

 

People asking me questions I hate to answer

The pain is an undying streak of cancer

Alone in the dark, I’ll cry my eyes out

Punching the keys on my laptop till I cry these words out

I’m slipping, it’s happening,

It’s like a curse that I caused and it’s cause is a curse

A curse cause I can’t seem to find what really caused it

But I know what it’s caused and I know what it costs

The price is failure and the product is pain

God, I’m tired and I tried hard

But not as hard as I’m supposed to

What’s the point of prayers if hard work pays?

What’s the point of hard work if faith is the answer?

I fear that I might become closeted again

I’m trying God, but I can’t stand the pain

Dear God, are you there God?

 

I know the answers to all these questions

I know you hear me,

I know you know that I know you know

But I can’t help but ask

Dear God, are you there God?

                                                          Tomi Olugbemi

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10 thoughts on “Slippin

  1. Glad you made it out of there. It’s a terrible place to be in. Trust me, I used to LIVE there.

    Not anymore. Bless God.

    DMX is my absolutely favorite rapper right next to Nas. He’s just honest – and I respect that.

    Well done.

  2. Exactly where I am at the moment. Hopefully I’ll have the strength to get back up.
    DMX was also a favourite of mine way back. 🙂
    Nice words, and definitely not a waste of literature!

    1. God is your strength! Sometimes it’s hard to remember but it’s the truth.. I really do hope you get back up sooner than later.. I know how you feel and it’s not easy but keep on moving… Thanks for your nice words. It is well

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